I’ve been very much wanting to get back into writing again – love writing. Also been very much wanting to get our site back up and in the groove. It’s never been what I wanted.

I just always feel guilty when doing stuff like this that I love… where did this feeling come from, I sometimes wonder? I have thought about it in depth here and there, mostly I feel a responsibility to make the most of my time and I have to wrestle with myself to figure out which things I feel comfortable devoting time to. I know you can kind of find an excuse or “good reason” that allows you to talk yourself into anything that you want to do (I know there is a real word to describe this, and I feel like it starts with a “d”, but ever since getting pregnant the first time my brain has slowed down, perhaps with the sheer volume of stuff trying to cram through it at a breakneck speed… and I can’t remember things far too often, which is hugely frustrating) but the point is that I really need to work through my motivations and productivity levels on a regular basis or I think I just devolve to the lowest common denominator, not unlike a lethargic zombie staring at the computer screen with my mouth hanging slightly open as it is now while I type. (because it is late at night and my eyes are dry and I’m a little out of it, of course)

{pause here for about 6 hours of sleep, hoping for 7 and would certainly take more}

ok so 7 it was. tolerable.

As we lay awake listening to our kids play with the monitor in Maeve’s room this morning, (“hey Maverick, wanna talk to mom and dad?” “clean diaper!”) I told David about what I decided to do last night for my 30th year… and then I realized oh, I already AM in my 30th year. Ok, so for the year I am 30… yes, that’s my “excuse” for being able to spend time getting this blog back up – it’s tied to me turning 30. I mean, nevermind the fact that it’s good to have some sort of “journal” to look back on in life in general…

So I’m excited at having a “pass”. Sigh. I just feel like time not working is time taken away from our future sort of. Establishing a business (in fact, businesses) well and to the caliber that we have begun to feel we want to have is a. lot. of. work. a. LOT. Add to that 2 amazing kids and 1 very special relationship (that would be us) that also need a lot of attention… and let’s not leave out God…

God is the reason to our madness. The beauty to our ugly. The peace to our chaos. The why to all our questions…

and getting to know him is the journey. and this is now going to be an intentional part of the journey…

me contemplating before getting sleep last night: