It’s one thing when you’re failing a little bit. You can usually give yourself grace for that.
It’s another thing entirely when you feel like you’re failing in everything.
Here’s a bit of a rundown:
- I’m gaining weight.
- I’m stalling on work.
- I’m out of sync with the kids’ homeschooling.
- I’m flying by the seat of my pants with content creation.
- I totally screwed up a brain detox thing I’ve been doing.
- I’ve lost control of our inbox.
- I’m not doing well with our “word of the year”.
Honestly, I could go on. I don’t feel like I’ve been doing anything right or well lately.
I feel like crap and my motivation to change it is nil.
I just want to run away and ignore it all.
I could go on and on about how frustrated I am; I want to whine about everything because there are a lot of legitimate reasons why all these things feel really freaking hard right now.
The problem is that I’ve subconsciously allowed the frustration of how hard things are to simmer unchecked in my heart and mind. I’ve latched onto it as justification – allowed it to become an excuse for why I don’t can’t do this or that. I’ve allowed myself to feel more and more powerless the more things pile up.
I really just want to have a fun weekend – it would be so comforting to eat what I want, binge watch shows to relax, and put off the hard work of taking back control until Monday.
There’s just one problem.
Monday isn’t a magical day.
Monday is the day all the people who like to make excuses start things.
If you start something on a random day of the week, you’re basically giving the finger to all those pitiful excuses that swarm around your mind like whining mosquitoes in a swamp.
Don’t waste time trying to swat at the excuses – just GET OUT OF THE SWAMP!
Oh I know how hard it is, trust me.
There’s a tiny Christina inside me throwing a giant kicking, screaming, tantrum NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I DON’T WANT TO BE GOOD OR RESPONSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BUT I’M NOT GOING TO LET TODDLER CHRISTINA WIN because I know this one thing to be true.
“You will never feel your way into good behavior. You have to behave your way into good feelings.” -Neil Anderson, Victory Over the Darkness
Each tiny choice makes you either a little more powerless or a little more powerful.
I’m choosing more powerful and taking back the control right now. On a Friday.
I’m going to drink all of my water today even though it makes me colder, because I know that it keeps my appetite under control. I’m just going to move around more here at my standing desk to stay warm.
I’m going to control my portion sizes today even though the food is so yummy, because my anniversary is coming up in just over a month and I want to feel a lot hotter by then than I do right now. I’m going to go buy some sunflower seeds at Dollar Tree for tonight when I know I’ll probably be wanting to eat something else, and drink some tea.
I’m going to ask David to tackle our inbox.
Little by little I’m going to get back to being the person I want to be instead of the person I feel like.
It takes balls to start things on a Friday, or any day of the week other than Monday, really.
You might feel powerless and out of control, but if you start something today – anything – then you’re going to be just a little more badass than you were before.