I’ve been pondering this a lot today.
you may remember this post where I talked about a reassurance I had from God not long ago.
he promises to work all things together for our good. I’ve thought many times how I cannot assume that somehow means it will look anything like I want it to look.
good is not necessarily comfortable.
we are very uncomfortable right now.
we’re in the middle of walking through a door, you see.
we know in our heart of hearts that we don’t want to live a comfortable life. we’re walking away from it, crossing the threshold into a great unknown.
but so much of it sucks.
I actually enjoy roller coasters – twists and turns at breakneck speed, no problem. however, I CANNOT stand the roller coasters that have HUGE hills to hurtle down, the kind where you start sweating with dread on the way up, and I can only assume your stomach leaves your body on the way down. so not remotely worth it for me, I don’t enjoy the ride one bit.
this life right now? it feels like that.
one day we have the stamina and hope to embrace the journey. the very next we are hurtling down that hill begging to get off.
the problem is, uh, you can’t really just get off of a roller coaster once you’ve signed up for the ride.
one would think after a certain number of times through the ride you’d get pretty used to it, I don’t know.
gah! I hope our roller coaster doesn’t go under water!
I don’t see us getting used to this ride in less than six months, probably more like six years. ugh, I hope not. can you imagine riding a roller coaster for a whole day, let alone longer than that?!
we’re clinging to the picture David’s mom had for us of a circle of doors (yes, this is different than the other picture at the end of that post) and Jesus was going around touching each door.
because everyday we ask ourselves WHO are WE?! we are NOTHING without God. nothing. completely irrelevant.
as much as we so want a more real community as opposed to the Sunday morning church thing, we want even that to be in our comfort zone.
as much as we don’t want to live in our comfort zone, we feel completely lost outside of it and question all the usual things… there’s just something about feeling normal and knowing who you are that is, well, comfortable.
we want to somehow find, outside of ourselves, a security that stems from our relationship with God and not the circumstances we find ourselves in.
through all the growing pains we want to remain a united front – a team. we’ve definitely let the stress get to us more than once, but we want to allow it all to push us closer to God, not running in separate directions.
Beautiful Things by Gungor has kind of felt like our theme song for awhile now,
but this is another, less well-known, that is very relevant.