For most of my life, I believed it was important to make waves; that if you didn’t make a wave, were you even there? What was the point? I felt the pressure to do something that had an obvious impact on lots of people; that if I didn’t create something to outlast me in an clear way, it would be a half-assed life.
Some of this mindset was certainly the result of growing up in a religion that taught your life wasn’t your own and only what you did for eternity mattered, but I also owe some of it to my dad instilling in us that we were different. Special. It wasn’t so much what he said, but the energy he lived into everything.
I couldn’t relate to people who seemed content to just “live their lives” without striving for broader impact. But in many ways I also didn’t expect nearly as much from them as I expected from myself.
Ultimately, I believed we each had a divinely instilled purpose, and just had to figure that out and live it, and that would be “success”.
I witnessed some people, stuck in this or that vice or dead end path, clearly not living their purpose, and felt sad and angry at all the talent that was wasted and impact that went unrealized.
My religious programming was a constant on-switch to make the most of every interaction with my fellowman. Eternal lives at stake is a pretty heavy weight to carry.
Authenticity vs Religion
I found It curious when I began squinting at the Gospels, many years ago now, and recognized between the lines I’d been taught, there was no urgency or pressure on Jesus’ interactions with people. He was, in fact, a kinda crappy Christian, by evangelical Christian standards.
Other than those he chose to surround himself most closely with, he didn’t really seek people out. Although scripture says “he stands at the door and knocks”, he was no door-to-door missionary! He let people come to him, but he even tried to get away from them at times.
By many standards, he was not always kind.
It seems clear his priority was being authentic to his specific path, and let the chips fall where they may.
Unbothered.
He had no need to prove himself to anyone, or micromanage any situations or how he came across.
That feels so far from what I felt growing up in Christianity that I dare say it may not be in the same book.
But that’s a topic for another day.
The point is, I have come to see that being the most authentically ourselves comes with a natural authority and impact.
I started to notice several years ago that I felt my mom with me very frequently in an expression on my face here, a gesture there. And that’s part of what made me stop being so concerned about making waves.
Who she is lives in me in so many ways.
And I realized I undoubtedly affect my children in a similar way.
When my dad left this dimension on June 8, 2024, one of the first things I felt most strongly was deep gratitude for how greatly he empowered so many people to do so many things.
From businesses he started and employed people through, to getting me started in graphic design which resulted in David and I being able to work together from home since 2012 (impacting our family in inestimable ways that will echo through generations), and a thousand other things and people impacted in a thousand other ways.
I think he was far too hard on himself in pretty much every way, likely still measuring too often with an old, unyielding stick – mistaking the rod as a tool for well-deserved punishment rather than comfort and guidance.
And even that has affected me; inspiring me, by the compassion I feel for him, to give myself more grace.
Clearing Swamps and Building Houses
I suspect Dad didn’t see the metaphorical house he felt he should have built, but I’m so eternally grateful for the swamp he and Mom cleared and the foundation they gave us to build on.
I’m so thankful that although I also have yet to give our kids the house I want them to have, metaphorically as well as IRL, I am fully confident that we’ve improved on the foundation we received.
Redefining Legacy and Success
What if instead of asking:
- “What am I accomplishing?”
- “How many people am I reaching?”
- “What have I built?”
We asked:
- “How authentically am I living?”
- “Am I staying true to my heart?”
- “Am I fully present in my relationships?”
- “Am I honoring my unique design?”
There’s something incredibly freeing about releasing the pressure to make waves. It doesn’t mean we stop doing things – but the doing flows from being rather than striving.
Don’t underestimate the power of simply being you. Every single droplet in a body of water is connected, affecting and being affected by the whole.
It’s never about any one big thing, but all the thousands of daily things. These “small” choices ripple out through others’ lives in ways we can’t measure or predict.
You are a living legacy. Now.
PS.
Happy 70th celebration day of your your first Earth life, Dad. I trust where you are, you recognize the wave you’ve always been part of from a broader perspective of time 😉💓
A few of the things I appreciate carrying on:
- Your ability to concoct yummy things in the kitchen 🙂
- Being different and not interested in status quo.
- Carrying immense passion and connection with heart.
- The creative arts greatly multiplied in my kids through seeds planted in me and investment in being able to explore music and art.
- Silly dance parties and love of singing! (Mom says you danced us on the table long before we could support our own weight as babies.)
- All the entrepreneurship and professionalism!!!
- Ability to troubleshoot and spot opportunities in everything!
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