The Time Warp of Parenthood
I remember the day that my first child was born. So many thoughts going through my head. The obvious dad things – wanting her to be old enough to play with; wondering when she will start to be able to smile… but also with a bit of panic – am I capable of being a functional parent when I barely feel like I am a functional adult?
18 years later I look at her and I see a vast world of creativity and talent, beautiful blue eyes like her mother’s, good traits and traits that I wish we hadn’t passed on… and I wonder how time went by so quickly. My wife and I look at our lives and feel like there is still so much to figure out, and now we are helping her walk that same path?????
Where Did the Time Go?
I honestly don’t know why I’m writing this… I think I just wanted to get it off my chest. She is not a baby anymore. I am so prone to nostalgia. I look at old pics and wish I could relive some of those moments.
Ooh the one where I was playing basketball with my friends, and cousins!
The one where it was Christmas at my grandparents!
The one where we went to the park with my grandparents and extended family!
Time flies. That was 40 years ago…
“Maybe all this blathering has you thinking about time.
Maybe it has you thinking about some regrets – ways you should’ve-could’ve.”
The Power of Gratitude: Staking Life to Solid Ground
I have a lot of regrets, but am choosing to keep this clean (energetically).
You see I am choosing to be grateful, to be happy, to love… to look at this life I have lived and make this day a better day than yesterday, so on and so forth, but also to be thankful for everything.
Being thankful is so beneficial:
- Improves mental health
- Promotes positive behavior
- Enhances physical wellbeing
- Reduces stress
This is the first thing I want to “stake” to the ground. Gratitude as a tool. It’s too easy for life to spin out of control, and we find ourselves reacting to things (sound familiar?).
The whole world seems like a giant pinball game bouncing off the walls and each other, but not really going anywhere.
Try This: Take 30 seconds right now to name three things you’re grateful for today.
Finding Presence Through Simple Pleasures
I like birds… I think they are nature’s works of art. Some are funny, some are annoying, some are simple, while others are gaudy. I like to stop and look at them and look them up in my app. It’s like building a collection.
Funny thing is, I know there are so many people that read this and roll their eyes. Birds?
Birds, for me, are a way to stop and smell the roses. Our lives can fly too fast—kids, meetings, social media, travel.
Aside from being grateful, cultivate things in your life that promote your presence in the present:
- Gardening
- Hikes
- Nature exploration
- Meditation
Voluntarily setting some time to slow your life down.
Put the phone down, disengage from the crazy, and “touch some grass”—your life will be all the better for it.
Try This: Spend 5 minutes tomorrow observing something in nature and reflect.
Living Fully: The Three-Step Practice
So to recap – be grateful, be present. (I know you’ve heard it before.)
BUT – look at it this way, being grateful and present are two great stepping stones to living in love.
Loving is probably the best way to live.
Loving basically encapsulates all the things, including gratefulness and present-ness.
“The best time to be alive is now, so be alive in the now.”
Your Turn: What small practice helps you stay present in your daily life?
7-Day “The Only Moment is NOW” Challenge
Regret anchors us to what was, worry drowns us in what might be, but presence liberates us to experience the goodness of what is.
A few more ways to illustrate the concept:
Yesterday’s shadows darken the heart; tomorrow’s ghosts haunt the mind; today’s light illuminates the soul.
The past: a museum where depression is the curator.
The future: a labyrinth where anxiety is the guide.
The present: a garden where peace is the gardener.
The weight of yesterday creates depression; the uncertainty of tomorrow breeds anxiety; the awareness of today cultivates serenity.
When memories become chains, we call it depression. When possibilities become fears, we call it anxiety. When we inhabit this moment fully, we call it peace.
Day 1: Conscious Tuning
Task: Spend 10 minutes in a quiet space. Sit comfortably and observe your thoughts without judgment. Notice what comes up—worries, plans, or distractions. Acknowledge them, then gently bring your focus back to your breath. Reflect on how it feels to simply observe your thoughts, knowing they aren’t necessarily true or even relevant, or even from your own mind. Consider your thoughts as merely a radio on “scan” mode – you get to choose which signal to stop and listen to.
Day 2: Conscious Environment
Task: Find a natural setting (a park, garden, your backyard) and sit quietly, engaging with your surroundings. Listen to the sounds of nature, feel the ground beneath you, and observe the details of the environment. Reflect on how nature influences your mood and thoughts. Consider how you can incorporate more organic elements in your regular environment to help you stay grounded.
Day 3: Conscious Connection
Task: Focus on being fully present in your interactions with others throughout the day. Practice active listening to really engage with the people in your life. Reflect on the depth of the connection and how it feels to be fully present with another person. Consider having the policy of not taking your phone out around other people.
Day 4: Conscious Feeling
Task: Take a moment to pause and check in with your emotions. Sit quietly and ask yourself how you are feeling in this moment. Write down your feelings without judgment. Consider what might be causing these emotions and how you can honor them today.
Day 5: Conscious Movement
Task: Engage in a physical activity (yoga, walking, dancing) with full awareness. Focus on how your body feels with each movement. Pay attention to your breath and the sensations in your muscles. Reflect on how movement affects your mental state and presence. Consider developing a 5-minute conscious movement practice each day to appreciate your body and its ability and support of your life.
Day 6: Conscious Sensing
- Task: Take a few minutes to engage all five senses. Find a comfortable spot, and focus on:
- What you can see
- What you can hear
- What you can smell
- What you can taste
- What you can feel (the texture of an object, the temperature of the air, etc.)
Consider the beauty of the moment and the ability you have to engage in the now with your senses.
Day 7: Conscious Writing
Task: Spend a few minutes journaling about your week. Reflect on any insights you had about being present, any challenges you faced, and how your perspective may have shifted. Consider how you can incorporate more presence into your daily life moving forward.
Bonus Day: Vision for Presence
Task: Create a vision board or a list of intentions for how you want to cultivate presence in your life moving forward. Include specific practices, activities, or mindsets you want to embrace. Reflect on how these intentions align with your values and aspirations.