Are you really good at winning arguments or really annoyed at those who are?
Is one of them your spouse? Then you might appreciate this post.
Most of my life I’ve been one of those people who is really good at being right. I’ve had my moments of being obnoxious I’m sure – what 12-16 year old hasn’t – but I think for the most part I also listen to the other side and am very interested in genuinely understanding and being open to changing my mind (even if that hasn’t always come across to David ;)). If I argue a point with David, particularly, and later realize I was wrong or later slip up in some way that I was getting on his case for or something like that, I go back and admit it to him. I don’t like hypocrites and I think it’s only fair.
From the beginning of our marriage, however, it’s been known to be a bit of a struggle to remember that we are on the same team. And if you’re married, then you are, you know. Meant to be on the same team, that is.
Can you imagine if sports teams tried to function the way too many of our marriages do?
Winning an argument is just so satisfying somehow. Kind of, at least. Less so when you realize that as a team you’ve really lost the game.
It feels SO wrong to bite your tongue when you have THE perfect comeback, and it’s not easy to turn off the mental scoreboard that mysteriously erects itself in marriage. Mine definitely still flickers on every once in a while, often without me realizing it until my ire has been ignited by the ever-growing multitude of ways I’ve been “fouled”.
Whether you’re dealing with actual arguments – I prefer “discussions” 😉 or simply counting how many times you’ve picked up your husband’s socks (in my case, thrown them off of a counter in the kitchen, LOL!) it’s all an opportunity to choose to play on the same team or not.
Staying in love is most often dependent on the choice you make about whose team you are on.
Lots of people enter marriage thinking they’re just recruiting another player onto their own team. It’s a rude awakening when they realize that their spouse thought the same of them.
Of course you can always keep playing on your own team. As evidenced by divorce rates, myriads of people feel like they’d be happier that way…
But I think that the reality is, they just haven’t experienced how great it is to be a real team member. Every team has different strengths in its members – and no team desiring to win attempts to highlight a team member’s weaknesses! Great teams rally around each other and set one another up to score.
Truth be told, David is generally a better team member than I am… but we both have our moments 🙂
Whose jersey are you wearing?